The Love of a Mate Read online

  It wasn’t that he cared what any of them thought of him, Alfred reminded himself. He didn’t, not even a little bit. They could all go to hell and—

  “Why?”

  Alfred jerked his head up, a growl building in his throat. This was his one safe refuge, and—

  There was no one there. Frowning, Alfred looked all around him again. Leaning forward, he risked a peek around the edge of the building, too. Nobody. Finally he looked up. He’d never noticed that the alpha’s bedroom window was almost directly above his little hiding place before. Tucked away in the shadows at the base of the house, they wouldn’t see him if they looked out, but he’d heard Bennett’s voice, loud and clear.

  “Why what?” And that was Marsdon—obviously still pissed off as hell.

  “Why wasn’t he watching the water levels?” Bennett asked, patiently. “He must have known how important it was. If he took his eyes off it, then he must have had a good—”

  “He stopped watching it because he doesn’t give a damn about anyone but himself,” Marsdon cut in.

  Alfred leant back against the wall just below their window and wrapped his arms a little more tightly around his knees. Words washed over him. They weren’t anything he hadn’t heard before. They weren’t lies, either. And he didn’t care about any of them, he reminded himself. Why should he?

  “What the hell are we going to do with him?” Marsdon finally asked, a few minutes later. The alpha’s anger seemed to have drained away somewhat, or perhaps he had just run out of things to call Alfred. Even though Alfred hadn’t heard Bennett leave, Marsdon seemed to be talking more to himself than to his mate.

  A frown grew between Alfred’s eyebrows as he stared at the ground right in front of his feet. The sadness in the alpha’s voice cut so much deeper than his anger.

  Suddenly, Alfred heard Marsdon give a harsh little laugh. “I know that I’d like to throttle the little sod. But, since I’m pretty sure you’re not going to agree to just stand back and let me do that, tell me, pup—what are we going to do with him?”

  Pup, Alfred thought, as he tipped his head back and let it connect heavily with wall behind him. Because, somehow, Bennett could act in ways an alpha wasn’t supposed to and yet still keep his place in the pack. Somehow everyone still saw him as an alpha, while Alfred was stuck being a—

  “Alfred?”

  Alfred looked up, half expecting to see one of the alphas leaning half-way out of the window and glaring down at him. No one. Alfred turned his head. Caden stood just a few feet away. He was downwind. There’d been no sound as he’d approached. Alfred had no way of knowing how long the other wolf had been there, spying on him, eavesdropping on a conversation he had no right to be privy to.

  Caden held out a hand towards him, inviting him to stand up and close the gap between them. In no mood to play nicely, or approach him only to see another wolf turn away from him in disgust, Alfred stayed exactly where he was.

  Eventually, Caden stepped forward, his hand still extended towards Alfred. “Are you okay?”

  Alfred shrugged. His grip on his own hands turned white-knuckled as he pointedly ignored whatever trap Caden was trying to lay for him. “Why wouldn’t I be? Same shit, different day, that’s all.”

  “Francis told me what happened out at the dam,” Caden admitted.

  Alfred said nothing. Pointedly staring past him, he refused to even glace at Caden’s face, let alone reach out and put his hand in his. When gentle fingertips stroked along his jaw line, Alfred ignored that, too.

  A chaste little kiss pressed to his opposite cheek was far harder to dismiss as entirely unimportant. Caden sat down next to him. His arm slipped around Alfred’s waist, determinedly wriggling its way between his spine and the rough stone wall until Alfred gave in and arched his back to make it easier for him.

  The other gamma’s head came to rest on Alfred’s left shoulder as he curled in close to his side, and Caden let out a soft little sigh, as if he was finally exactly where he belonged. “I’m sorry you had such a bad day. I know you wouldn’t let something like that happen on purpose.”

  The gently spoken words made it damn near impossible to ignore the other man’s presence. Not quite sure what to do with the sudden display of affection, Alfred looped his arm around Caden’s torso and clumsily welcomed him against his body, patting him vaguely on the shoulder with his right hand.

  His left hand, without even bothering to check with his brain for permission, slid straight down to rest on Caden’s backside. Damn, but he had a glorious arse. Alfred’s fingers slid into the back pocket of Caden’s jeans and palmed the firm, round muscle.

  His cock immediately began to harden behind his fly. All at once, Alfred knew exactly what he needed to distract him from his latest screw-up. And, since Caden seemed to be offering it up to him on a platter, it would hardly be polite to say no!

  Alfred glanced down between their bodies. His wasn’t the only erection straining against a pair of tight blue jeans. Moving his right hand into Caden’s hair, he tugged at the pretty blond strands.

  Caden tilted his head back and offered his lips up to be kissed without the slightest protest. With success pounding through his veins, Alfred dipped his head and brought their mouths together. The other wolf’s lips were soft and sweet against his.

  Alfred lapped against them, eager to get more of that taste. Caden parted his lips willingly enough and mewed his approval into the kiss as their tongues slid against each other in an intimate little dance.

  Hands roving more and more frantically over the other wolf’s body by the moment, he tugged at Caden’s clothes, desperate to yank them out of the way and get at the skin beneath. Caden’s hands slid between their bodies and pressed against Alfred’s T-shirt, but he didn’t seem to have a clue what he was doing. His touch was hindering rather than helping.

  Alfred growled his frustration into the kiss, nipping at Caden’s lips as he sought for a way to remind the other man exactly who was in charge.

  Caden mumbled something against his mouth. He pushed harder at Alfred’s chest. Quickly losing all patience with him, Alfred twisted their bodies around so Caden was pinned down against the sun-warmed grass right alongside the foot of the house.

  That should have settled everything. In Alfred’s mind it certainly made everything very simple, made the whole world seem very right. But Caden merely wriggled all the more, as if trying to squirm away from him. That was a bloody stupid thing to do. There was no logical reason on Earth why anyone would want to put even the smallest amount of empty air between two bodies that felt so marvellous when pressed tightly together.

  He caught hold of Caden’s wrist and pinned it to the grass. That felt so good. He did exactly the same with his other hand, trapping the slightly smaller man with his entire body as he tried to deepen the kiss.

  Pleasure built quickly inside Alfred, pushing away the accusing looks from the other wolves and Marsdon’s harsh words. None of that mattered when he was there with Caden, and—

  Suddenly the other wolf wrenched his head to one side, breaking the kiss. For the first time, Alfred noticed that Caden was struggling to pull his hands out of his grip.

  That was wrong. “What the hell?” Every instinct in Alfred’s soul suddenly went into reverse. Letting go of the other man’s wrists, Alfred moved both his hands to Caden’s face and stilled his head. Tightening his grip as Caden railed against it, Alfred made Caden look up at him, determined to meet his gaze and find out what the hell was going on, why his lover wasn’t submitting to him the way they both knew he should.

  “We can’t,” Caden whispered. He closed his eyes for a moment, but not before Alfred saw the touch of pain in them.

  Newfound impulses screamed at him to find out what was wrong with his mate’s world and fix it. “What are you talking about? We can’t what? Why?”

  Caden cleared his throat. When he opened his eyes, he looked up at the sky as if fighting very hard to concentrate on what he needed to say
. “We can’t do this.”

  “Why not?” Alfred repeated, impatience creeping into his voice.

  Caden took a deep breath. “Today, at the works by the river—”

  Alfred frowned. “You said you…” He snatched his hand away from Caden’s face and scrambled away from him until there were several feet of empty air between them. Anger rushed through him, searing hot and desperate to burst out through the most vicious words he could frame, but he barely had time to open his mouth before Caden was speaking again.

  “I said I knew you wouldn’t let that happen on purpose. I know you’re better than that. I know that you’re a good wolf, a strong wolf,” Caden said, as he sat up. “But, until I can trust that you know that—we can’t do this, not…not like this.”

  Alfred looked down at the way Caden had wrapped his own fingers around his wrist as he fought for the right words. Alfred had held him like that, and it had felt so right, so perfect, and… He closed his eyes as he turned his face away from the other wolf.

  He could hide from the sight of him, but there was no way to hide from Caden’s scent. It howled the other wolf’s desire for him. Alfred was almost willing to swear he could smell his desire to submit hanging in the air around them.

  But that wasn’t the only thing. Confusion. Uncertainty. Regret. There were so many other emotions—things that had no place being in either of their minds when they mated for the first time.

  “Every wolf is born belonging to a pack,” Caden suddenly said.

  “Don’t you think I know that—?” Alfred began.

  “But he’s also born belonging to himself,” Caden went on, as if he hadn’t even heard the interruption. When Alfred turned his head, the other wolf met his eyes without hesitation. “And some wolves keep possession of themselves for their whole lives, and they are happy that way.”

  Alfred didn’t try to speak up again when Caden paused. His throat had closed up so tightly, Alfred could barely push air, let alone words through it. The idea of giving up ownership of himself made him want to leap up and tear the throat out of the whole world. But the idea of taking another wolf under his protection and making that wolf his…

  Caden seemed to think for a long time before he finally went on, and Alfred had no choice but to wait. “There are other wolves that can’t be happy that way. They have to give away part of themselves and they have to hand over control of themselves to another wolf. I’m not happy belonging to myself, Alfred. But I won’t put myself in your hands until I can be sure that you know what a good wolf you are.”

  The thought of Caden belonging to him that way, of him not just being his mate but of being his…

  Alfred tightened his hands into fists, pulling blades of grass up by the roots as he fought against the urge to reach out, pounce on Caden and hold him so tightly no one would ever be able to tear them apart. A wolf like Caden could have anyone, and…

  “You mean until I can convince the pack that—” Alfred stopped short as Caden moved closer.

  The other wolf didn’t bother to rise to his feet. He simply crawled forward until he was kneeling right in front of Alfred, almost touching him.

  “Will the pack realise you’re a good wolf once you realise it?” Caden mused. “Yes, I think they will. But it’s not their opinion of you I care about.”

  Alfred could only stare into the very serious blue eyes in response. Caden’s eyes were full of so many emotions it was as impossible for Alfred to decipher them there as it had been in Caden’s scent. He had no idea what the other wolf might see in his own gaze—all he knew was that he needed to make sure there was never any pain, never any sadness in Caden’s eyes, ever again.

  That was his job now. And if the only way he could convince Caden to allow him close enough to be able to do his job properly was to play nicely with the rest of the pack, then…

  “That’s really what you want?” he checked.

  Caden nodded, holding his gaze. His eyes and his scent both screamed he was telling the truth.

  “What do I need to do to convince you?” Alfred asked. Whatever it was, he’d do it. In that moment, Alfred had no doubt about his ability to do that. Screwing this up wasn’t an option.

  Caden hesitated. He dropped his gaze back down to where he grasped his own wrist with his opposite hand.

  Alfred shook his head at himself. Suddenly, it was obvious he shouldn’t even be asking Caden questions like that. He should be the one making the decisions. Proving he could do what he was told wouldn’t mean anything. He had to prove he could make the right decisions for them both, that he could be the one telling Caden the right things to do.

  What would a good wolf, a good mate, do now…?

  “Maybe,” Caden began.

  “No,” Alfred cut in. “It’s fine.” He pulled himself up to his feet. “I know what I’m doing. I can sort it all out. You don’t need to worry about it.”

  Caden blinked up at him as Alfred stood over him, but it wasn’t the usual flirtatious flutter of lashes. Very slowly, the other gamma nodded, as if he was more than willing to simply accept that pronouncement.

  Success rushed through Alfred. He half turned away. Then, he hesitated. Unable to leave Caden’s side without doing something, and knowing full well he couldn’t do what he really wanted, Alfred crouched down and pressed a brief, chaste kiss against Caden’s temple.

  “Everything will be fine,” he whispered.

  As he straightened up and turned away from his future mate, Alfred repeated those words inside his head. Everything will be fine.

  They’d sounded a lot more confident when they were spoken outside his head than inside it, but he couldn’t let that matter right then. The only thing he could think about was what a good mate would do, what a wolf who knew he was a good wolf would do.

  * * * *

  “You always have had bloody awful taste in men, but I think even you outdid yourself this time.”

  Caden stopped relaxing back next to the stream running through the forest and sat up straight. Leaning forward, he peered past the foliage just in time to see his brother step out from behind the bushes.

  There was a growl in Gunnar’s voice. Maybe it was from his recent shift, maybe he was just randomly pissed off. Caden didn’t give the matter too much thought. Reclining comfortably back against the old tree trunk once more, he simply concentrated on the way the last of the evening sun caressed his bare skin and the pure wonderfulness of the world.

  All he had to do was stay away from the farmhouse a little longer, give Alfred a little bit more time and space to decide on his next move, and he’d be able to make his way home to his future mate’s side, all sleepy and snuggly.

  “Don’t you have anything to say?” Gunnar asked as he walked past him, his naked skin splattered with mud from his run.

  “Alfred’s a good wolf,” Caden offered. It was almost impossible for him not to grin like a loon as he said it. Who could ever have guessed that he’d come on so quickly—that just the mildest hints would have him leaping up and sprinting in the right direction?

  True, pushing him away had been the hardest thing Caden had done in his life, but—

  “You mean he will be a good wolf when you’ve finished screwing him into submission?” Gunnar demanded. Crouching down at the river’s edge he dipped his hand into the water and scooped up a few mouthfuls with his palm.

  Caden’s eyes narrowed as he glared at his brother’s back, but by the time Gunnar had turned back to him he had once more schooled his features into something passive and more suitable for dealing with the beta. “What makes you so sure he’s the one who’ll be submitting to me?”

  Gunnar let out a harsh burst of laughter. “Even you’ve got more sense than to let him play the dominant with you. The man’s a fool. No, worse than that—he’s a sadistic little bastard towards anyone weaker than him whenever he thinks he can get away with it.”

  “Strange, then,” Caden mused, “that I’ve never known him to take a cheap
shot at Talbot.”

  “He wouldn’t dare,” Gunnar growled, immediately rising to his full height to loom over anyone who would even mention such a possibility.

  “Not even before Talbot came under your direct protection?” Caden asked, not in the least bit daunted by the other wolf’s blustering.

  “What?” Gunnar demanded.

  “I’m pretty sure Alfred had no idea you were even remotely interested in our omega until you two were formally mated,” Caden said. “But I’ve still never heard him snap at Talbot the way he does at everyone else. Don’t you think it strange that out of all the wolves in the pack, it’s the one that everyone agrees he should outrank who’s never had anything to worry about where Alfred is concerned?”

  “I think he’s strange in far more ways than that,” Gunnar said.

  As Caden stared mildly up at him, the beta’s hackles slowly seemed to go down.

  “Why him?” Gunnar finally asked, as he crouched and brought them closer to the same height.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” Caden said, idly running his fingers through the moss at his side. “Talbot’s no more my type than Alfred’s yours.”

  “Even mentioning their names in the same breath is a bloody insult,” Gunnar snapped, as he threw himself onto the ground next to Caden and glared up at the sky as if the pretty little patch of blue and the warmth of the sunlight had both been created specifically to annoy him.

  “Alfred’s a far better wolf than any of our pack realises,” Caden told the clearing, the riverbank and anything else within earshot. They were all more likely to take any notice of his words than Gunnar was.

  Right on cue, Caden’s brother huffed his disbelief.

  “I see more than you ever will when you look at him,” Caden said, resting his head back against the tree and forcing his words to remain calm no matter how much he wanted to howl them loud enough for everyone he’d ever met to hear.

  “And what would you see if you looked at the mess down by the river? It was a simple job, Caden.”

  “Far too simple for a wolf with Alfred’s potential,” Caden pointed out. “But as for what I see…” He thought about that for a while. “I just see what any wolf would be able see if they cared enough to look. I see a faltering step on a young shifter’s path towards becoming a good wolf.”